For the Guilty Mama

When our Elliana-girl came in and threw herself on the foot of our bed, I knew she was searching for a way to stand.

“What do I do now?”

She rolled over and I could see the red in her eyes, the blotchiness stained across her face. I moved closer as she grabbed hold of her hair and entwined the strands together over and over, as if trying to weave a rope for a nine year old girl and her mama to hold on to.

“Sweetie, there will always be times when we are brought low because of our sins, our failures. But if we stay there, we’ll miss the beauty in what happens next – the rising again.”

For the Guilty Mama

For the guilty mom

There’s this lump in my throat because I see too much of myself in this little girl, and I wonder if maybe these whispered words are more for my own heart than hers.

For I’ve kept myself up many nights listing off all my failures. The things I could have, should have done, the things I shouldn’t have. And I’ve spent time sifting through the faulty expectations I hold myself to against what God’s Word really says.

Yeah, I know the strangling grip of guilt over not playing enough with my kids, or getting caught up on the laundry, or making healthier meals, or clipping coupons, or being okay with these six little people clomping through mud and changing clothes for the tenth time in one afternoon filled with snow melting all messy.

And I’m still learning the hard way to look to God and His Word as my standard, not the cover of a magazine or a parenting book or my neighbor’s best friend’s sister.

But even after the hard work of sieving out every speck of false guiltI’m still found guilty.

I’ve seen myself in all of my wretchedness. And there I’ve sat paralyzed.

Maybe you have too?

May I just encourage you that the bowing low is the natural and right reaction to God’s holiness.

Some of my favorite stories in the Bible are of those who have experienced His holiness, and immediately fell on their faces before Him. – Isaiah. John. Peter.

But the even greater hope is found in realizing that they did not stay there.

for the guilty mommy

So, yes, we must kneel deep with all that we are. Confess our brokenness, our sin, our complete lack of goodness. We should feel the heavy weight of our own hopelessness. For it’s here we see our desperate need for a Savior.

If we’re never brought to our knees, fallen on our faces – we’ll miss the beauty of what comes next.

For the beauty has always been, and continues to be, in the act of rising again.

The rising is what brings new life.

A gift that comes straight from His hands.

This gift that stretched out in a love that reaches higher than the heavens are above the earth.

A gift that rose with power great enough to remove our sins and to bring new life to us.

And so we bow low at His feet, and in His strength and grace, we rise again.

Memorizing Psalm 103 with us? Here are this week’s verses (I know I’m a little late in the week. But I’m praying that His Words are touching your heart as much as they are touching mine!)…

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:11-12 ESV

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:11-12 NIV

Last week… When Your Love Life is Disappointing

Comments

  1. Hi there Jessica,

    Ok..this is crazy. because I am up so late…but there is a reason for that as there are so many things going on right now at our house, but I have been following your emails for quite some time and have never taken the time to write you and share how much your life’s story from day to day whenever you post has encouraged me so deeply.:) Especially the one this evening touched my heart and encouraged me greatly as my little girl has been having some rough times this week.:( You are so vulnerable and share from the depths of your heart every little detail. It is almost as though you are reading my life’s story at times where I thought I was the only one experiencing those moments as a mom. I have two kids I love dearly but lately it has been so difficult with my lack of sleep and trying to stay on top of things here at home as currently our house is on the market and we have been trying to keep the house clean, which is tough to do when you have a 4 and 2 year old running around. I know you mentioned you moved not too long ago, but I hope things are going well as I am sure it is difficult moving to a different area and is almost like starting all over again.

    Anyways..I just wanted to say “Thank You” from the bottom of my heart for sharing and pointing to Christ in everything. I usually do not read too many blogs, but yours is so different and authentic and I have already told a friend about your blog and she is amazed how you can find time to do this all, of course I am too. This is my hearts prayer to incorporate even more into our day with focusing on scripture memorization. Right now we have a Veggie Tale devo with verses to memorize and they just love doing that. Recently I also decided to homeschool also so I look forward to reading your blogs as they come through.

    By the way,….I won’t make this .much longer than it is..but I had to share that you look a little familiar to me, Did you happen to attend a college in St. Bonifacius, MN? Just curious..if not you look like someone from that area:)

    Thank you again for your continued encouragement and diving into God’s Word!

    Blessings,
    Tania

    • Tania, Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement – I consider it a gift that you would use your time in the middle of the night writing these words to me. :) And, yes, I did go to college there. :) I’m looking forward to hearing more about our connection.
      I don’t share everything, but I do try to be honest and real and yet bring glory to God through the words I type on a screen. So thankful that He gives me the strength and grace I need, and I pray my words would be an encouragement and blessing to others.
      I’m praying for you today and those precious children, and for sleep, and for keeping a house orderly as your house is on the market. ;)
      Have a blessed day,
      Jessica

Share Your Thoughts

*