How to Really See Good – On the Days You’d Rather Stay in Bed

Half a dozen little feet pitter-patter on the floor right outside my doorway.

And the hands ticking on the clock next to my bed won’t stop their nudging.

I lay all wrapped in warmth, hoping to stay hidden in the shadows of the blankets for a few more moments.

And silent tears soak into my pillow.

Tears that flow far too easily these days.

I’ve been in this place before – where choking breaths between sobs could be heard after the loss of my baby, the death of my dad, the job ripped away from my husband. But now? Now there have been no tragedies, no major catastrophes. Our lives have been tilted right-side-up so to speak. So my only conclusion is that there must be something terribly wrong with me.

bed of snow

white snow

blanket of white

I wrap brave around me as I slip out of bed – clinging to His Words with each step to the table.

Bowls passed out. Cereal dumped in. Apples sliced. Juice poured.

Cheerios squish beneath my toes and I mumble about the milk that’s already sticky on the floor. And why can’t my children seem to get spoons to mouths? And how can they be arguing already? And why am I so impatient? And what is wrong with me? Why can’t I seem to do anything right? And this is so frustrating to be sad about nothing. And there is so much devastation right next door and around the world – so why, oh why, am I standing here still moping?

So I choke out the Words that have been playing in my mind – striving to get them to reach my heart.

And tears spill out once again, because I long for this. For God to so satiate me with good that these broken pieces of my life are renewed, rebuilt, made whole again.

And so I scrounge for the good amidst the mess. And, you know what? It’s there – I think I’ve always seen it. In the giggles shared across bunk-beds, and in smiles glistening in sloshy snow puddles. In a brother taking care of his baby sister, and in a husband taking time to stop and listen. In crumbs on the floor because it means we have food, and in rainbows of sunshine if I just look out the window.

Kayla and bell

how to really see

smiles of goodness

Yes, the good is hidden in corners and written glaringly across my life –

So why am I still struggling!?

Maybe because I see the pain and sadness and evil too. And all too often, the ugly seems grander than the good surrounding.

Maybe because I’m thinking that the good is in spotless floors and children that obey constantly and a friend who understands me.

All of which are “good things,” don’t get me wrong! But if I’m looking to be satisfied by math pages done without tears, a husband who gets his socks in the hamper, or laundry piles that finally stop piling – I’m looking in the wrong place, the wrong thing, the wrong person.

For maybe it’s that I’m missing the truth that it is GOD that is GOOD!

I won’t pretend to understand completely why God does what He does, or why there is pain in the world, or why we suffer. Because, well, I’m not God. (I know- shocker!) In this sliver of eternity our frail minds can’t begin to comprehend how God uses the darkest of nights and the most joyous of days and everything in between all together. But when we know Christ, we always know how things are going to go – always for our good and always for His glory.

For the reality is that God came to us wrapped in flesh, choosing humility from the manger to the cross – because He loves us and was, is, and always will be good.

We can trust Him in spite of circumstances – even when the world looks grim (just ask Habakkuk). Circumstances are unrelated. God is good in any circumstance, and for that I can’t help but praise Him.

When I’m waiting for God to show me exactly what He’s doing, or answer the way I want Him to before I praise Him, I’m missing the gift He has given me in His Son slain for us.

And those other good things? The gorgeous sunsets and the children playing nicely and the warm houses and the letter of encouragement at just the right moment? There’s not one of them that hasn’t come straight from the hand of God.

He is the Gift. And He is the giver – of thousands upon thousands of hidden and extravagant blessings.

So I scratch out numbers to a thousand, and start etching the good one by one, right there in the moment.

counting

seeing good

a little snowman

Because as Ann says, “Picking up a pen isn’t painful and ink can be cheap medicine.” And what better way to slow down so I can taste and see that the Lord is good!?

#132 soft pajamas, #133 Your Son who was slain, #134 snowman snow… #146 God is good! #147 the desire to thank You more… and on it flows…

You are good, Lord, and my deepest desire is to thank You no matter if I’m blanketed in laughter or tears.

And I see a glimmer of joy rising from under covers, mixing with tears, and standing brave with Cheerios crushed under foot.

Memorizing Psalm 103 with us? It’s never too late to start! Here are this week’s verses:

5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

6 The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
Psalm 103:5-6 NIV

5 who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

6 The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed.
Psalm 103:5-6 ESV

Last week… “Why I Will Never Be Super-Mom” Psalm 103:3-4

Comments

  1. Marshalene says:

    Thanks for sharing this! I needed to hear these words. It really encouraged me as I’ve felt the same way in the last week. I love your blog and visit regularly. God bless you and your family!

    • So thankful that we are not alone on this journey of life. Your words are such a sweet encouragement to me.
      Praying you have a blessed weekend.
      ~Jessica

  2. Jenny Schmitz says:

    “Standing brave with Cheerios crushed underfoot” could be an Indian name like “Stands with a fist” (from Dances with Wolves) for us in the middle of American motherhood. :) I think we’re all feeling the winter blues these days! bghy yi[iop.]ipipgdgfdrdftrererd That was a little addition from my 2 year old as I changed the baby’s diaper! I just wanted to let you know~ you are not alone. If you ever need to talk~ I have a heart that cares for those dealing with the “blues”. Because I’ve been there and I believe God had me there so I could help others that find themselves there. You have my e-mail. I’m a good listener!

    • Jenny, You make me smile! (As does that sweet 2 year-old of yours.) And I am so blessed by your sweet words of encouragement. It’s beautiful to see the way God uses the hard times so we can in turn encourage others during hard times. You have done that for me more than you know. It’s always a battle for me to know how much to share here. Is it too much? Too little? I want to encourage and help others know they are not alone, but I don’t want to cause people to worry about me (if that makes any sense)… it’s this beautiful, heart-stretching dance of difficult and so, so good. And I’m so glad that we can stand brave with Cheerios crushed under foot together. :) Love you, friend!

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