It’s a blur now.
The days of having half a dozen kids in just as many years.
Moments of tears and beauty have wrapped together to make this lovely, heart-stretching thing called motherhood.
And I know now what it’s like to be the mom that brings nourishment when she can’t pull herself off the floor covered in tears.
The mom that stands brave when she doesn’t know whether to laugh or to cry as she grabs her tweezers and digs out the shiny gem from her little boy’s nose.
The mom who sits watching her baby hooked up to monitors and cords, and is on her knees in prayer in her heart as she strokes the soft hair of the babe sound asleep through the beeps.
The mom who feels like melting in agony and defeat from the sinfulness of her children – and herself.
The mom who cheers bitter-sweetly with each first step and every last diaper.
Each moment strung together like shiny pearls on a strand.
Praying that they will somehow glimmer with more than just a glimpse of God.
For eternity of these little hearts weighs heavy on my shoulders.
The charge of a child is no small calling.
I search through crinkled pages of the Bible on my lap.
Knowing His truth is all I have left.
And there are His Words bringing breath to my lungs.
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
-Isaiah 40:11 NIV
And that’s what I can cling to – that this kind Shepherd will carry them and lead me.
And the weight is no longer heavy when He’s carrying it.
For this Shepherd laid down His life, nailing all my blunders and failures and sins to the cross.
And the same great power that rose Him from the dead, lives inside of me.
I no longer need to don my glass slippers or supermom powers,
But can rest in His grace and trust that His power is working in me.
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness”
-2 Peter 1:3 NIV 1984
Guiding me. Carrying them.
Through every blessed, tiring, awe-filled, heart breaking, gleaming pearl of motherhood.
And this surviving the little years – from sobbing on the bathroom floor, to babies in the NICU, to digging out that shiny gem found in my little boy’s nose :) – I can do only through His strength and sweet grace.
First posted at When You Rise.