The beautiful house sits like a palace.
I pull in the driveway and open the door of our rusted van. The van that we outgrew nearly two years ago now. The van that still shows the marks of our eight person family.
Pine needles are embedded in the upholstery – along with melted crayon and some undistinguishable gummy candy. {I tell myself that I have to wait until my fingers won’t freeze off before I tackle the “cleaning the vehicles” project.}
I hope no one is watching as I climb out the door and leap to grab the Sunday school papers that fly out. I catch my balance and shove those papers from months ago back into their confined quarters, and slam the door on the smells of stale Taco Bell.
I can’t help but giggle as the crisp air fills my lungs.
For as I walk up the cobbled steps and in through the door, it’s as if all my tattered rags are stripped off. I am transformed.
No need to slip my holey (not to be confused with holy) socks off in the entryway, for I know that in this place I am loved.
The table is set with china – so welcoming and loving.
As I soak in the beauty, I keep wondering when I’ll wake up to find myself back at home playing dress-up with my little ladies.
Am I using the right spoon to mix my tea?
I can’t forget to put my napkin on my lap.
Before I can get the first bite of fresh blueberries into my mouth, her beautiful eyes look straight into mine with an immeasurable kindness.
Maybe it was through my words. Maybe through my silence. Certainly through God’s prompting – that she invited me into her already busy life, simply to know how I am doing.
The buckets are tipped with the realization that someone truly cares so deeply.
And Cinderella or not, I know I can’t hide with tears spilling down.
Yet for the life of me – I just don’t know how to get the words out.
How does one tell that she really is so very good and happy and thankful and blessed – when the tears keep falling?
And how does one explain that she wouldn’t change the hurts and the messes and the scars that have been made because of where God has brought her and is going to lead her?
And how does one relay the fact that her problems are tiny, tiny, tiny in comparison to so very many others, yet somehow still piercing?
But somehow amidst my bungled up words and arms flailing, she looks straight into my soul.
She hears me.
As my heart lies bare like a puddle on the floor – she tells of the time when many years ago, she too sat in tears of faith, feeling as though she’d been left on a shelf.
And she tells of how God whispered to her – that just like her beautiful china gracing the shelf, saved for the most special of occasions, God had her waiting on a shelf of her own, kept for the breathtaking plans He had for her.
The china cup graces my lips, eyes filling with tears once again. I sit amazed realizing that I – with my tattered, feeling like I’m just playing pretend self – get the honor of being a part of the incredible plan God began in her long ago.
I sit in this dizzying grace of God.
And I hear her say that they want to do all they can to be here for us, and encourage us, and to let us know that they believe in us.
They believe in us.
I think of how it will be many years before I’ll be able to tell this story without getting misty eyed. For when’s the last time that someone looked straight into my eyes and said that they believe in us!?
That they value us!?
And that God values us!?
I hear Jesus in her words. And I have no words.
Time slips by, and I step back to that rusty old van. Glass slippers away, I don my role of mother and wife once again.
This time remembering that I am not alone.
To be continued…
Who can you speak truth and hope and love to right now?
Who can you encourage and walk alongside through today?
Oh, Jessica…..I’m so thankful that she followed the Lord’s leading and took you out to talk. You needed to hear the words that she spoke….we all need to hear that we are valuable and that others believe in us and most importantly that God always believes in us. I wish that I lived closer to you so that we could share a cup of coffee and have a visit….how I would love to tell you my story and hear yours. I would love to hear of all of your victories in Jesus and then we could share about the times that were not so victorious, but He was still there for us. I’m playing the waiting game too….for very different reasons. I used to have a speaking ministry, but because of my health, I’m not able to do that anymore, but God is teaching me so much during this waiting time….oh so very much, that I would not have learned any other way. And I know that you and your family have been learning lessons during the wait too, but I’m praying that your family won’t have to wait very much longer…..you are young, you have so much to give, we just need the Lord to answer our prayers and tell us exactly where that location would be. I love you, sweet Jessica…..wait in expectation, keep the ears of your spirit open so that you can hear Him whispering to you. Love <3
Jane, Your kind words mean so very much! Oh, how fun it would be to get to talk with you face to face. I’m always so blessed to hear how God is working in you- even through these difficult times. Thank you for your love and prayers! I’m praying for you and that sweet family of yours too.
Love, Jessica
Jessica,
I know how you feel! Waiting is so hard. My husband and I left our last pastorate and waited for over 2 years for God to open the doors to our next pastorate….it was one of the hardest times of my life. What I was most hungry for then was someone to believe in us. And as for your problems being tiny, tiny compared to others…they may be, but they are your problems, and the ones you have to carry. No matter how small they may seem in comparison to other’s burdens they are still heavy to you, and God knows that. I love the simple truth that God helps us carry any burden He lays on our shoulders and teaches us so much through the hardest of times. Your blog is clear evidence that God continues to teach you and lead you through these hardest of trials. Someone shared with me last week that Jesus could have kept the 3 children of Israel from the fiery furnace, instead He chose to be with them in it. Wonderful post…as always. Keep sharing your heart!!!!
Crystal, Thank you for your most encouraging words. What a blessing to know how much you can relate, and can speak truth to my soul- even when I know you are walking through (with God’s strength) your own heavy trials. So thankful that God walks with us and His Spirit is in us.
Blessings, Jessica
I loved hearing your heart in this post, Jessica. I, too, am thankful that this nameless woman spoke hope into you. Your ministry to me right now is amazing. I thank God for your thoughts of Him that you share with all of us as time permits. God bless you and your husband as you wait~ Jen
Jenny, You always have a way of speaking such encouragement into my heart! Thank you!
Crystal….I so agree with you…people often say, oh my problems are nothing compared to yours, I shouldn’t complain, but as you say….our pain is our pain and it is still painful and weighs us down. I don’t have the privilege of knowing Jessica personally, but I can see that the Lord will use her and her family in a mighty way for His Kingdom. My children are grown and I’m enjoying grandchildren now and so I’m watching my kids walk though things with their kids. Oh how it encourages me to see so many young women on fire for the Lord and so dedicated to teaching their little ones. I made so many mistakes when my babies were little, but that’s another story for another day…..I’m just so thankful for God’s grace and that He walks with us every step of the way throughout this life. God bless all you young families…..you lift my spirits.
Jane, Thank you so much for your sweet encouragement to us young moms! And for the wisdom you pour out in your words! I appreciate you! ~Jessica
I just have to say, yes and amen! I can feel and relate to it all, and indeed how lovely that would be!
Thank you, Shauna! I always appreciate hearing from you! :)